A Multitude of Blessings

I'm back!! I know it's been forever but sinc egoing back to work full time last month I admit I am having a horrid time balancing the mom/worker "thing". Having 3 very active kids is trying at times and I am finding the balance harder to maintain of late. It seemed unfortunatly that my haven online fell victim to this chaos that was my focus.

So now I cna fill everyone in on the last 3...4 months or so in a nutshell. I'm keeping it brief (I hope)

1.February saw us in Disney World for 2 weeks. They were fun filled but exhausting. Leigha (as I said previously) astounded us with her excitement over the Princesses it was truly precious. Nathaniel was so in love with the role playing attreactions that we had a hard time pulling him away to do anything else. It was funny to see him trying so hard to be "one of the team" in many of them. I will cherish that memory. Ryan's face when he saw certain characters was one for the photo album. I am so happy that I had 2 cameras shooting photos or I would have missed alot of the real time reactions from being nehind a lens.

2. February/March saw me return to work full time and our first foray into home nanny "ing". Suffice to say it went horrid and we ended up looking for a new child care provider the second week of March after being left in the lurch. We are currently looking for someone towatch the kids out of the house until December and have thus far interviewed many lovely people who take one look at Leigha and run for the hills.

3. March saw me attend my first scrapbooking retreat at Bittern Lake Lodge north of Camrose. I had a wonderful time and relished in the sleeping in, no cooking/cleaning, and great friends. It left me anxious for my next weekend in April :p

4. March/April was also the time we found out we "discovered" ( and I say it in quotes because it was truly not a decision we made), that we are expecting. It seems Disney World is truly the "Happiest Place on Earth" :p . So much to our surprise and eventaul excitement we are going to be welcoming baby #4 into our home this fall sometime. Dates to be announced next week :p

5. April has brought us many new things as well. Leigha had her 2 year check done with our pediatrician and we have been green Lighted to move onto the "next step". We have been referred to the Cleft Lip and Palette clinic int he Stollery hopsital to see a feeding specialist to see if we can't get this little girl to eat more than 2 teaspoons a day. We also have been referred back to our ENT to see "where we go from here". We are truly hoping that this next phase is talking surgery!!!

6. I have spent this last week recovering from illness (not associated with said addition) and have found that despite the feeling like I've been hit by a bus I cna still accomplish an awful lot in a few days. I had the opprotunity to interview a lovely gal for our "caregiver" position and we have about 6 more to go this week. It's amazing what happens when you put "urgent" on an ad :p

7. We are looking into the summer holidays and already like many others I am finding my weekends booking up already. Neil is scheduled for a Basketball camp in Saskatoon this July, Nathaneil is heading east to torornto to see family with my Mother-In-Law leaving me 2 weeks of realitive quiet from the fighting that the boys are doing right now (sometimes there is a draw back to having them so close together in age). 3 reunions, one each month which makes me realise I need to arrange accomodations for 2 of them :p, plus themany weekends booked with friends for visiting since we rarely see each other over the busier months.

8. I have booked another scrapbooking retreat with Giggles & Girlfriends for June 4-6th hoping to accomplish my family herritage album. I have only just realised how much I still have to get done before the reunions in June and July :o I think that will be my only project that weekend, motivation to finnish it ( guess I better get started scanning the rest of the photos :o)

9. I still have to make the phone calls to get price quotes on the backyard re-do. We ar ere-landscaping the yard and since we decided to do it ourselves it seems I'd best find out cost :)

Ina nutshell that is the chaos of the past few months. I am scrambling to find out what I have (or don't) for this new baby. Being a mom of 3 kids doesn't make you anymore prepared for more kids :p Luckily I have all of Leigha's stuff still so if it's a girl I'm set (PLEASE be a GIRL!!!).

I'll be back with baby pics on Monday and hopefully more info on #4 :p

Hibernating and Other Random Bits

So I had to go and pick up the passpsorts today from Canada place. Now usually I can manage to get into the city without incident. For some odd reason it seemed that all the morons were on the highway the exact same time I was...can you imagine?? Anyway, I was driving down the highway minding my own when I happened to notice that in the outer right lane there seemed to be alot of people moving out of that lane, it was explained when I got closer, a grader driving 50km/h , well not my probelm I'm in the outer left of a three lane highway...not an issue. Unless you happen to be the poor sod (me) who has some guy driving a tractor trailer try to run you off the highway by crossing 2 lanes of traffic, on a major highway without shoulder checking, signaling or slowing down, and thinking he owns the highway.

Now I'm not sure if you remember my last mishap with a tractor tailer, when I had the huge ginormous tear taken out of my new van and the front passenger tire ripped off last spring? I'm not too fond of big rigs. I live in a city where you can't avoid them but I tend to be a bit cautious around them for obvious reasons. Three of them being present in my vehicle with me at that time, and this time as well (I'm sensing a theme here, maybe I should avoid the highway all together?). So here we are happily driving along, me listening to Ninja Turtles part 2 in the back ground when I happen to see said turd bag veering into me. Now I was about 3/4 of the way up his side just behind his cab, he could have seen me if he had looked into his mirror he was in the outer lane!!! I saw the look on his face in his mirror when I leaned on my horn and veered into the shoulder as he missed my van with the side of the trailer by inches. I was too busy watching him, the row of cars behind me and the ditch all at once.

In essence he tried to run me off the road because he didn't want to slow down behind the grader. Jack Ass!!! So I had to slam on my brakes veer into the snow on the shoulder and fight to keep my van, with my kids in it, on the highway and manage to not cause a huge accident behind me at about 100km/h. Which is how fast we were all still going when he tried to do this. He jumped 2 lanes! I mean they don't own the highways...whatever. I swore and heard Leigha repeat it verbatim, not good since lately when you say the word "fart" to her she comes out with "fuck" and now she has moved forward in her language skills to using the same foul word as fork. Lovely if we go out in public don't you think? I'm not noticing too much she will get over it. Neil on the other hand thinks it's a barrel of laughs and gets her to say it over and over for fun. So it is his fault if she has a foul mouth when she is older not mine.

It threw me for a loop tho. I ended up unable to figure out how to get to Canada Place and driving around ultimatly backtracking in order to get to where I should have exited in the first place to spend 10 mintues in the building to check names, birthdates and places, faces and such, sign my name and gone. It cost me a whole $2.50 to park in the parkade, less time than it took to get out of the van, haul the kids in, get passports, and get out. But that's one chore off the books.

So we picked up the passports for Disney (9 days and counting!!!) and I took the kids to rotten ronnies for lunch for being so good at Canada Place. I fibbed a bit and told them that if they weren't good they would be arrested for misbehaving and couldn't come with us next week. They were angels up until the last few minutes when I had to read them the riot act about manners and not running up and down the wheelchair ramp as they weren't in wheelcahirs and it was rude.

As we were driving back into the Sherwood Park to go to the McDonald's with the play thingy we passed a farm with horses in it and I pointed them out to the kids. Leigha got all excited "cows!!". (I'm so proud of her :p) and  Nathaniel asked me the funniest thing..."mommy why aren't the horses hibernating?" I honestly had to stop and laugh a bit. I said the first thing that came into my mouth "they don't have holes big enough for them". I corrected myself and explained to him that they don't hibernate but are out and about all winter like dogs and cats, etc. I gave the example of a family friend that has 2 horses and asked him if they were hibernating. I think he got the idea after that. It was comical.

Moving On Now

So now that I have gotten that all off my chest, I'd like to thank you all for you comments and support. It has helped me open my eyes and see what my mom means to me.

I love my mother and will always do so. I cannot change the woman that she is nor the woman that I have become. Thus I have to make myself someone I can be proud of. Someone that my children can look up to and see as a role model.

I hope that in the coming years I can learn to understand the woman that is my mother and hopefully build a relationship not based on misunderstandings or criticisms.

Moving on now...

This past weekend I was able to run away, literally... I love to scrapbook and have been doing so for about 5 years or so now. I'm adicted to it and seem to have tonnes of thing realted to it than I really need, or think  I need. I was able to attend a retreat at Battle Lake near Pigeon Lake Alberta. A lovely area and I wish I had my camera this weekend ( I loaned it to Laura for her trip to Jasper this weekend, she broke her camera last weekend. Her and her boyfriend were trail riding up in Pyramid Lake?, way more exciting than a bunch of cows and trees). With the leaves all beginning to turn and the harvest moon the Saturday night it was amazing. I totally wish I had robbed a bank to be able to afford the camera I love so much. Someday in my dreams :o

Anywhoo, I managed to get a good chunk of the herritage album that I have been blathering about on here for a long time almost completed. I now only have to hunt down about 10 pictures of the older photos the black and whites and then I get to nag all my cousins and such for recent up to date pics of their families so I can include them in the album as well. That may be lost cause but I am going to give it a good go hoping to have them all received before Christmas and have the whole thing completed by New Years.

I have to admit... I think it looks amazing!!! I'm tooting my own horn a bit here but I am really proud of the way it is turning out and can't wait to show it off a bit. It is exactly like I pictured in my head almost 2 years ago when I thought up the idea.

Moving on again...

Leigha finally got in to see a Pediatric Surgeon on the 4th ish about the feeding tube and I have to admit, we walked in 15 minutes late after wondering throught the University Hospital (which I happened to have known quite well until they opened the new part and moved all of the pedways around), he came in and promptly announced that I was to fill his intern in and then he'd come back and talk to me after. So I gave him the 10 min crash course on Leigha and he walked away looking very shell shocked and once he listened to her chest happened to ask oh so casually " does she always sound like this?" and my favorite " do you know she doesn't breathe with both of her lungs and use her bases?" I smiled nicely and said yes to both questions trying not to scare the new docs away from us already.

Once Dr Lees came back he got serious in front of the computer he brought up all of the tests that Leigha had done over the last year or so and focused mainly on the Gastric Emptying Scan done in January and the barium swallows done over the last few months. He asked if anyone had gone over the results with us and I said "no we haven't even see the doctor who ordered them since last October" in relation to the Gastric one as Dr El-Hakim did the swallow study with me in the office when we were admitted in May. He wasn't too surprised and neither am I after hearing about the Pulmonoligist after talking to some other about her, that's another story altogether.

He turned around to look at me from his seat on the little stool and I seriously thought that he was going to say that there was nothing he could do, just like the GI guy did. Then you know what? He actually said, "I think this has gone far enough and we need to get this fixed and soon". Can you believe it? We finally found someone other than our Pediatrician and ENT who actually want to help us out. He agreed that having 10+ pneumonias at the age of 15 months is 10 too many. He also said that she has alot of damage in her stomach and throat from the GERD so that's when he threw the Fundoplication word at me. I have to admit I wasn't to keen on hearing it. I was hoping that we could avoid a fundo. The other GI guy said he didn't want to do a fundo, but then he also didn't look at anything in her history or touch her for that matter. Once he went through it all and told me what he was going to do, what he hoped to accomplish with it and the end results then I felt alot better about it. I spoke with Neil as well and he said that what has she got to lose other than more lung tissure and complications?

So the plan with her is to undergo an fundoplication and insertion of a PEG Tube at the same time. It means she will have a 4-5 inch scar just under her diaphragm as well as a small 1 inch hole essentially where the mickey (the port for the tube feed) is inserted. She will have to be admitted into the Stollery Children's Hospital for 5 days and barring no complications should be home shortly thereafter. I only hope she doesn't scar like I do :o

I am seeing our ENT with Ryan on Friday the 18th for a follow-up regarding Ryan's temper tantrums to see if they were related to his tonsils and adenoids (who knew that those could be a trigger for temper tantrums), they aren't a trigger as they have increased not decreased...that's another whole story for later on....so I will bring Dr El-Hakim up to date on all of this on that day. He has been in contact with our Pediatrician Dr Dansereau and she had spoken with Dr Lees the same day we saw him to ensure that this was what everyone agreed with as a temporary "fix" for the pneumonia so we can look now at the lung component and the cleft and get more agressive with it. We are looking at anywhere between 1-2 years of this as I'm still not 100% sure our ENT can fix the cleft. But we can alwasy go to Toronto Sick Kids as there is a doctor there who has a specialty in Laryngeal Cleft repair **( Please note that this link goes to an actual picture of a Laryngeal Cleft surgical repair. If you are in ANYWAY Squeemish DO NOT LOOK AT IT!!!, but if you are curious as to how they will fix it, then by all means this is part of it. Leigha will have to have a graft done as well to have it sewn in with the repair.)**

So that's been the last week or so. I am in allergy hell and can't breathe through my nose. But am ever so thankful that now we are moving in some direction to the next step, whatever that may be.

Ummm, Nothing

I have nothing useful to say today. I have a huge monstrous headache again. Probably..no most likely caused by the lawyer at ATB. We sent our "letter" away this morning and are going on a hope and a prayer that something comes out of it all. At least we got to have our say and present our side without being interrupted, hung up on or side tracked. Time will tell I suppose. I have accomplished some things today tho, despite being stupefied with this headache. I have found the course date for my CPR Level C for my job...kinda have to have that, just need to register and pay for it, learned how to thread my sewing machine, bobbin and how it all works so nicely, called my MIL to come help me put my pattern onto the fabric so I don't mess it all up and end up with something completely unusable, fed the hoodlums so they don't chew my legs off in the interim, put away some of my winter clothes and pulled out the summer ones that fit...still working on fitting into last years stuff...man Leigha was tough on my body;) And I ordered my contacts after calling to find out what my perscription was...turns out I had them backwards (oops) I had my left and right mixed up and in the wrong eyes...maybe that's why I have a headache? Either way I have my glasses on so I won't be driving to day or climbing too many stairs. My sewing project should be coming along really nicely after tonight tho. The instructions on the pattern and the books are different and I don't want to follow one and find out the other was right..you know? It says place on the fold and then again the other one is plac eon the fold...ther's only one fold? So confused, and today it won't take much. Once I have it on the fabric and all ready to go it shouldn't take too long to whip them out and begin the actual sewing. I'm thinking should I not screw it up completly and make a mess of it I should have it knocked out by tomorrow....I'll keep you posted... Oh, Leigha took her first steps on Tuesday!!! She was standing at Neil's chair, turned and took two steps to me not holding on...too cute. That and we are trying to get her to say the word "up" instead of this horrid screeching thing she has recently taken to doing. She is close. If I close my eyes and pretend she says it already;)

Problems Galore...Again

Leigha has Pneumonia..Again. She popped a fever Monday evening. Vomited all over Neil Monday morning at 6am. We thought it was just a fluke. Had something go down funny. She still has the tendency to gag occasionally. The surgery didn't work as it is. So when she awoke from her nap at 4 and was burning up and then proceeded to ralphed all over the couch upstairs I knew I was in for along night. Oh boy was I :=) She popped in at 40 Celsius ( no clue what that is Fahrenheit) and then for the next 48 hours now has not kept anything down for much longer than 2 hours at a time without Gravol and Motrin every 4 hours round the clock. She started vomiting in her sleep and not waking up when she does it. Scary. We had thought she wasn't doing that any more. I'm now up checking on her every two hours again. Today I took her into the doctors here in town and had her checked out. They took an X-ray and gave us a prescription and they will want to see her back tomorrow if she doesn't have a wet diaper by tomorrow afternoon as she is becoming very dehydrated. At most she has taken in about 8 ounces today of thickened water, so not much and is losing weight again. She's weighing in at 22.9 lobs (10 Kilos). I think I'm gonna go crazy!!! We have our 2 month follow-up with the surgeon on Friday and I plan to have a good talk with him to ask what we are going to do with her. So far we are unable to take her off the thickened fluids as she is only able to tolerate the 2-4 teaspoons of thin fluids at a time. And since she has the pneumonia I am beginning to think she can't even tolerate that without complications. On a good note I have finally tracked down all the results from the surgeries performed at the Strollery hospital in October, November and January and had them transferred to the clinic here in town where I work. By next week I should be able to access them and see where we need to go from here to follow-up and move on for our next steps. No more of this waiting on doctors. We haven't seen most of them since January and haven't had any follow-up since then so I think it's time for some pro-active ness. Especially when it comes to Ryan and Leigha. So that's my day today. I am up to my elbows in a sick baby and am holding down the fort until she gets better. Tho I can honestly say it is exhausting and I wish I could get some sleep and she was feeling better. I hate it when my kids are sick. It's a very helpless feeling. I'm off to color-set my fabric for Nathaniel's pj's and Fabricland called yesterday to announce that this weekend is their Birthday sale so I may just have to check that out too;) I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday. Just another day of the week. but as the month of February draws closer to and end so does my maternity leave and so does the extra source of income for Neil and myself. It leaves me in a sort of quandary. Not the sort of place I really want to be right now. I have yet to find a job where I can be in two places at once. Taking Leigha to the multitude of appointments that spring up out of thin air each month and work. Why don't they make jobs more attainable for mother's? I know I'm not the only mom out there who has this issue of trying to pull herself into five million different directions and still hold onto the thin line of sanity that she still maintains:o (mine is slowly and surely drying up as we speak). This week I have been tyring to work on my resume:o The boys in their chaos streaks over the past few months somehow found the floppy disk that my resume was on and mangled it beyond repair so now no resume:( So now I sit in front of the computer daily and try to work on it....so not working. I seem to have forgotten what I have done these past 5 years since I had kids:( I thought about trying to see if I could track down a copy of one that I may have given out at a job interview...but where? I live in a small community, someone may have one here....maybe. Or perhaps it's in the computer dragon somewhere I haven't looked yet? Nope I found a recipe for Carmen's cookies she had in her blog at Christmas time...been meaning to make them again but haven't. I think I even printed the recipe but in case I hadn't still have the recipe on the computer:( HA had a thought, I really need to learn more about computers. I'll do a search:) May not find anything but then again...maybe I will. I think I may have to write this one off as a loss for today. My brain is not up to the challenge. That and the kids are not up to playing nicely for more than 30 seconds together today. It's just not my day. Perhaps tomorrow will be it. Until then I shall keep you posted on the resume hunt. If anyone knows how to find my missing brain cells please let me know. I sorely miss them and would like them back. Or perhaps you can't miss what you never had??

Thoughts Anyone?

I'm blogged out I think, nothing to say so I thought I'd babble....naw just kidding:)Tho I did depress myself today, quite royally. I've stated this week that we leave on Friday for our cruise...YEAH!!! kay that's done so now comes the hard part, what do I take on said cruise for clothes? As no one in their sane mind would want to see me necked, or in a bathing suit mind you. I have this very large box hidden in my scrap room (kay what will be my scrap room) full of my summer clothes and the dresses that I usually save for the holidays etc. In other words stuff that doesn't fit:( Or it's too damn cold to wear it as the barometer hasn't gone above -20 in oh about a month or so:( So the conundrum is do I try on all the clothes and pray that some of the pants fit or humiliate myself and wear muffin toppers? In the past nine months since Leigha was born I was truly hoping to have lost the weight, not added more to the baggage:o I know it's the hormones and stuff but can't something go right...please?? I mean it;'s not asking much it's only that the girls going on the cruise that we are friends with..they weigh 5lbs soaking wet:( Not someone I want to be compared with in a bathing suit. I think I'll bite the bullet tomorrow and try some of it on while Leigha is napping and the boys wear down after Chips. I'll keep my fingers, toes, nose etc crossed that a miracle will happen. But I'm not holding my breathe. PS:On a note, can you all send some healing thoughts to my Grandfather who is in the hospital with possible cardiac failure. He could use the positie energies right now.

Completely Overwhelmed and Overly Depressed

That describes what I am. I have to finally admit it I guess. With no end in sight with the blasted bank fiasco, and Christmas fast approaching I am finding myself looking up from the bottom of a deep never ending fall. Almost like in Alice in Wonderland when she falls through the looking glass (that's in the book tho). I am being pulled into so many different directions that I feel like I can't see the end. I'm not sure there will be one. My sister told me last week that my Blog was "depressing". I tried to make it upbeat but it's kinda hard when there is so much going on and not enough of me to go around. And no one really that understands. The boys are fighting all the time because they are bored, Leigha is suffering a relapse and it has all taken a toll. I have no idea how mother's of chronically ill kids manage. I don't even have the energy to go out and grocery shop, and lord knows we need the groceries badly. I just need the time to vent and bitch and moan and for one thing to FINALLY GO RIGHT for once. The saying "when it rains it snows" seems to have too much meaning right now. I would really prefer spring because maybe then all this would be resolved and I would have answers to my long list of questions and wouldn't have to type it out into cyberspace to get someone to understand. Although it helps me to think and put things into perspective I find it hard to really impress upon anyone what I am feeling. It's just shouting "therapy" at me now. Maybe I need that too. I'll pencil it in somewhere, after the boys, before Leigha, before Neil, before work...... Work now looms ahead and I wonder how to fit all that in too. Three kids, Neil and somewhere in all that me. Is it too late to ask for a time extension? I don't want to go back to the Glenrose, I hated it there. And all I can see before me is a lot of calls into them saying I can't work due to Leigha's appointments. That doesn't look good on a referral from them, calling in too many times due to sick days. But what do we do about the fact that we need the money? Come April 3/09 the government cuts me off and then what? I can't afford to put the kids into a day home/day care that's almost $1200/mo just them and you can't get part time spots. I can't take advantage of friends/family as they have their own lives and responsibilities and can't be watching my kids. The clinic wants me for January and so far I have yet to solve the kid issue. I hate not being able to work as I feel that I NEED to get out. But how when I get slammed at every turn in the road. Why does all this need to get so complicated? Why isn't there ever a plain and simple answer? Maybe I'm asking too much of myself. Not that we have too many options out there but somewhere there has to be one. I'll remain optimistic, maybe it will all work out eventually. But I am feeling like the walls are closing in and there are no answers anymore no matter how hard I look for them.

News Glorious News!!

Well not really but something fun at least...Leigha is crawling finally:) She officially started last Saturday but now she can actually do it and make it look co-ordinated. She has even managed to get her feet out from under her bum and both going the same direction. So cute. Ryan is so enthralled by it now. She can move and keep up with him now providing he doesn't leave the family room:0 It's kinda funny really because now she hates it when I leave the room and don't take her with me. I now have to move her around the house with me. Makes for a very exhausting trip around, especially if I am only going to the back door for laundry or something small. But hey I'd rather haul her with me than have her fall down the stairs or something earth shattering like that. It's been an exhausting day today in that I have not accomplished much in the six hours of sunlight we had today. I was supposed to go to the CN Holiday Train in Jopsephburg tonight but opted out seeing as how the temperature dropped 5 degrees in about a half an hour today. I had an ultrasound at 2 and by the time I left Edmonton and got back to my moms to pick up the kids the temperature had dropped from -9 to -14 not including wind chill. And that was only at 330:0 SO I bundled up the kids turfed them in the van and hauled them home again where Neil my ever loving hubby made supper....I love it when he cooks:) It means I have to do dishes but at least I don't have to think of what's for supper. The worst thing EVER in my day. I honestly shouldn't have been outside today driving anyway. It seems every idiot driver was out anyway. I almost got into at least 3 fender benders by people on their cell phones or running lights on the ice. That and the fools who got into the traffic control lane on 97th street in Edmonton . If you've never been on 97th st in Edmonton going onto the Yellowhead it is miserable to merge onto during rush hour, they change the lane controls at funny times..like 3pm usually when the lane is full of cars. Then you have to get out of the lane and wait for people in the X lane to figure it out. So I got behind a semi and beside me was a car with some dippy gal who smiled at me and drove on despite being in the X lane...duh not allowed!!! So she drove on and behind her drove not one but one other car and an Atco van:0 totally oblivious of the X..BIG RED X. So now I am in the intersection with the semi, me and now the three vehicles illegally beside me making their own turn lanes (sounds like fun hey) and now they are turning to merge onto the Yellowhead too. So away we turn on a yellow..no RED light now as it goes to a flashing green and I have heart failure watching as the semi moves into the curb lane to nicely let the cars and the Atco van beside me merge ahead onto the Yellowhead..how nice of him:) So here I am just made the merge and we all make it onto the Yellowhead, but man I HATE 97th St, almost as much as I detest driving in Edmonton in general:) Must be why I never leave the Fort much:) The boys currently are beating the snot out of each other and I am counting down the minutes until 8 pm. They seem completely unable to spend more than 5 minutes together in a room without it deteriorating into a shamble and they end up fighting and tears and "mommy, Nathaniel/Ryan (substitute name here) bit/hit/pinched/poked/hurt/etc,etc,etc me" and I no sooner turn to speak to them and they are gone. The problem forgotten or they have taken to beating the problem out together and have laid each other out on the floor and are both unconscious:( It's a daily issue that I fear will only get worse as the weather continues to delve into the minuses and I keep closer to home for fear of frostbite. Leigha has turned herself around in terms of napping this week. She has decided, herself mind you, that at the age of 8months old she doesn't need a nap anymore. Except for the fact that she gets exceptionally grouchy when she misses said naps. Take today for example. She woke up at 830, not so bad. Ate breakfast, then was supposed to go for a nap at about 1100 or so and decided not to so when we were getting lunch ready at 1200 I fed her and that's when she decided she was tired:( Not good, I had to leave at 100 so I couldn't put her down. Lunch finished I packed everyone up and she crashed on the way to my moms. Woke up once I got her out of the van and spent the next few hours awake at mom's until I went to take her home. Crashed again on the 1/2 hr drive home and again woke up on the trip into the house:) Stayed up until about 6 when she finally had enough and that was it. So I laid her down for a bit only to discover that at 730 she was still in her day diaper ( I put her in a larger diaper overnight) and dressed in clothes not Pj's. So I woke her up and now at 1100pm she is awake talking her pretty face off to daddy:) This is now day five of crazy naps, and I hope that by next week I can have her turned back around again. We were away most of last weekend so I think having her moved around a lot may have messed her up a bit:( Poor Leigha doesn't like other beds and doesn't tend to sleep well unless she is in her bed. That and I usually can get her to sleep the quickest, I'm just out of poop tonight:( Neil is having fun talking to her tonight anyway:) I got some very cute pictures of her taking the heat register apart in the family room tonight. She burst into giggles when I caught her:) I'll post them tomorrow for everyone. For now I'm going to bed...Tomorrow I have plans to bake cookies and trial run my Ukrainian cornmeal casserole Nachinka I hope it turns out okay as I have never made it myself. Beginners luck I hope. Until tomorrow, sleep well everyone;)

Onward and Upward

So again I am crying...No not over the bank..Thank God. Neil has taken that project under his wing and has flown the coop with it. Sorta kinda. I'm done with that and he can do with it as he pleases. She can go rot in a bag for all I care anymore. If I have to deal with her anymore I may go into Sherwood Park and hit her...HARD. No I am crying over a blog I read. Mrs Spit lost a baby a year ago yesterday. If you want to give her some words of faith and prayers. Her blog left me feeling so powerless to help. I am in the field of helping so when I can't I feel lost. Even when I don't know them. Silly I know, but I left her some words I hope will bring some measure of comfort. I will not be the bearer of tears anymore. So I shall have to think of something to babble about now that I have begun.... Any ideas why I am so super emotional lately?? Must be all the crazy changes in our house.. It can end NOW!!! All I want for Christmas is STRESS RELIEF!!! All right lets start here.... Christmas is about 14 days away now. Yeah 14 Days :0 I have one wreath up..on the mantel above the fireplace, and the tree up, the one with half the lights burnt out;( The rest in on my dining room table:0 It may crack under the pressure of all the added stress. I have no idea what I even have as it is all in Rubbermaid's still. I packed it away and forgot what I had:( I also inherited my mom's old tree when I had a brainwave to have two trees, one for upstairs and one for down:) That way we could have a kid tree for all the kids decorations that they made and one for the traditional ones, like my baby ball...it's falling apart now, and some other hand me down ones that are super fragile. Neil did manage to decorate the house this year:) We have the lights on the front, a star above the garage, and a Penguin on the lawn with two very tiny deer for company:0 Ryan loves the Penguin and Nathaniel has been waking up at 530am to see if the penguin is lit up and cries when it isn't :( So not a nice wake up call. It looks great and we are already deciding what to add for next year. It's kinda nice as we have noticed that the cul-de-sac has stepped up and some of the neighbours have added lights to theirs houses as well. Apparently only a few had lights last year. Now it's more like 10:) We are such good influences. Not that the JH Witnesses will like it, but oh well! On the bad side I still have my Christmas cards to do, the house to clean, groceries to buy, the trees to decorate and the one to still assemble as I don't have a stand for it yet. Plus my baking to do...and what do I do today??? NOTHING:) I sat around and did nothing all day yesterday except blog and cry a bit:) I didn't feel like it and have absolutely no energy and feel crummy. So I hung out on the couch with Leigha and played with toys, While the boys played with cars and trains. Tough life hey:) Today was a bit more eventful, I cleaned the main floor, dusted, vacuumed the floors (wow you say !!), cleaned the bathroom. Finished the laundry and put it away. Finished the ironing (yes I even iron shirts and things still), washed dishes, tidied the playroom not once but twice. And even had a friend stop in for a visit before the Shaw guy dropped in to fix the phone that Neil had disconnected the other day:) He meant well he hooked up a TV for the boys in the playroom and inadvertently unhooked the phone and forgot to reattach it again:( Honest mistake right, too bad it took two days for me to catch it. Oh well only missed two days of telemarketers calls:) Then tonight Caughleigh took me shopping:) I admit we needed it. Costco here I come:) I bought a few things to h*** with the bank. We need food already. Then I finished some more Christmas shopping. A bit more and I'm done. I just have to buy my missing Tree lights and we should have a tree by Sunday): The boys will be thrilled:) So soon I'm off to bed. Tomorrow I have to set up the boys Pre-op for next weeks surgery and my availability for January at the clinic as they called asking if I can work most of it:0 I hope so providing I can find a sitter:0 I only have a few dates in which Leigha has appointments so...here's hoping. We could really use the money with all the bank crud. On a happy bank note. Neil talked to the blond ding bat today. Seems they are completely unwilling to help us out at all. So he came home today and called our Mortgage broker Victor. We are now trying to fast track our application to move banks by Christmas. The only hitch will be that I am on mat leave:( So cross your fingers for us and say a prayer. We could really use some good luck right about now. That's what I know for tonight. Take it easy and hopefully I have something way more entertaining tomorrow:0 Highly doubtful but you never know.

How Many Days??

They say everything comes in groups of threes, is this three yet?? I'm having another one! No not a Baby..I know at least a million of you thought of it;) A Bad week. I am all for scrapping the rest of this week and having Christmas tomorrow. And New Years the day after and then that's it the end of 2008. I've had enough of this very rotten year already. It's only what 16 days until Christmas and I have maybe my lights on the tree and since they don't even work, I am procrastinating even buying the ones that do. I have no Christmas spirit this year. Maybe it is because everyone around me is worried, sick or having a crummy time as well. Maybe it is rubbing off. Or maybe I just need to move away, hire a clone for a bit and move to a deserted Island and live for a bit until things cool off (not literally, it's cold enough here already). I spent most of yesterday in tears over the bank again. I'm not sure that any financial institution should have that much control over your tear ducts:( They managed to freeze all of our accounts again all weekend. Held all our money and managed to make all of our payments late...again. Not to mention they took out a double mortgage payment, which they said they wouldn't do. Left us with a whopping $4.22 to pay our monthly bills with:) That will help now won't it. 16 days before Christmas. I just feel great. So now I'm not so sure how we are going to get through the next three weeks. New tires for the car, groceries, life. You know kids have to eat, diapers. But the ding bat they gave us, she just doesn't get it. And now she is on holidays until tomorrow and does she leave any notes in the computer to tell anyone else what she has done over the last month...NO. That would be too easy now wouldn't it. Neil went into the bank yesterday afternoon and happened to speak with someone who was very helpful finally. But even still we have to wait until chicky returns tomorrow to see what she had done first before we continue. We should almost take bets to see if she calls me or Neil:) Meanwhile we continue to see the mortgage broker to see if we can move to another bank and should see progress by the end of next week with that. Stressed out doesn't even say what I am right now. The only saving grace is that I have almost completed my shopping and Neil and I don't use our bank account for Christmas. The only thing left is groceries. And I can wait until next week for that anyway. That and pics of the kids will go out late, but ces't la vie the family will understand. ***Sigh*** Someone beam me up or mail me to Mexico. Enough of the grumbling. Tomorrow I will find my smile or at least find my stomach less rolling and tears less accessible and move onto better things. This truly can't go on forever and we can't be doomed to this financial misery until our demise so maybe once this year ends we shal;l see the light?? A girl can always hope.

Finally Friday:)

I love Friday's... The day before the weekend officially begins. When Neil is home most of the weekend, The kids are semi-normal and someone else gets to yell at them to keep it down. "stop hitting you brother", "give me that" and all the other mom "isms". And I get to sorta sleep in:) Ahhh the bliss. I'm supposed to go to Walmart and buy Christmas tree lights...I don't wanna..so there. The ones that we usually put on the tree are burnt out this year. I suppose I can only ask so much from $4.99 after 5 years:0. Ryan has come down 3 times now to ask me to go buy them at "the store". In a minute, or two or three or tomorrow, or never. Eventually the tree will get decorated, and the rest will get finished. Eventually. I am running out of steam finally. I have hit the end and am out of it completely. I have no ambition to do anything today. I got up went to Creative Kitchens, cooked, did the dishes and now here I sit babbling away at cyberspace. The food is still in the van, the dishes are still in the sink upstairs waiting for somebody to wash them and I sit waiting for a miracle. Not that Neil is that miracle but MAYBE he will:) A girl can dream right?? He did feed the kids and he is keeping them entertained so it is something I suppose. And since I am lacking any sort of gumption today I think I shall pour myself off the chair eventually and head out into the wild blue yonder and brave Walmart:0 The bank..want an update...they still haven't fixed it. They didn't try to take out all our money today so that is good so far. But we still haven't put Neil's pay check from two weeks ago in yet:0 Call it terror or whatever but I call it survival, they may take it all again. We are still waiting to hear from the mortgage broker about the new bank and hopefully it gets done asap as I am done with this one and tired of the excuses or lack there of. A Leigha update, she's still spitting up. No changes there. Very bloated, not a happy girl. So we are not too sure what to make of that. Two weeks today till our follow-up at the Stollery with Dr El-Hakim to see where we stand with all of that. The boys, terrors today. Nathaniel is being a bully to all the kids at CHIPS, the indoor play place. HE is pushing them around. Today he spent most of the time in time-out. Not sure what I'll do about that short of leaving when he gets to third time out..third strike you're out rule in our house. We seem to have reached it again where we are constantly reminding him to be nice and play nice. He has this bad habit of pushing people and yelling their faces so not ice. So he gets one time out in the room, next is out of the room, then home. So now we see if it works. Wish us luck. I'm going for a nap now:) HA we'll see if it happens. Maybe if I'm really lucky.

More Randomness

So today continues another monotony of badness ( is that even a word badness?? who cares it's my blog I can make up words right??) Carmen and I seem to be in this place this week of never ending crud. She is up to her armpits in drudgery and I believe has used up all her free tokens of "may I have some more please". In the midst of a massive renovation of her home, a hubby who just had a major operation and is down and out for a few more weeks and a babe just getting over a flu. That and running a marathon in, oh about a month and a bit...65km marathon to boot:0 So trying to train for the marathon, run a home business, take care of her home, take care of her family, work part time, and somewhere find time for herself I think she has started to snap. Carm I feel your pain and wish my arms were long enough to stretch to Calgary so I can hug you till it all gets better. Even a little bit would help. This week I have hit the bottom of the barrel. I am sure I have nothing left to work with in regards to stress relievers. I come from a family not very good at dealing with stress to begin with. My mom had two heart attacks for crying out loud. Does that not scream mental case or what??? I know that I probably should admit that maybe it may be getting beyond my coping mechanism but I am not ready to admit that quite yet. That and the fact that you can't find a flipping doctor in this province to save your life. Not that I'm bitter or anything (note the sarcasm) I am tired of pretending that it is all okay. I am tired of trying to explain my feelings people who really don't give a rats a** what I feel anyway. People who think that it is okay to email when they should be picking up a phone instead. Not that I am not at fault because I am but I have a bit more on my plate right now than I can handle and a little understanding would not be too far fetched. Thank heavens I have my small blog Heaven where I can ramble and babble to my hearts content and know that the only people that read it are the ones that understand where I am coming from and the source of my frustrations. I am at a loss when it comes to where to start, talking about it all in person or outside of this little computer world.... I truly think I need some divine intervention or at least a smack in the head. Someone want to smack me???

I am too...

Carmen is having "One of 'Those' Days" and so am I. I am at a loss. You know those friendships that weigh on the back of your mind?? Ones that you know aren't healthy for you but you have no way of severing the tie? I have two of them. Friendships that I know have nothing to do with me and all to do with them. People who are not involved in the life of my family at all and we have very limited impact on theirs as well. I know it takes two to have a good relationship and I know that I probably could do more to mend the ties but there comes a point in time when you just have to walk away... I think I am there. Leigha had her surgery on Monday. And it's funny, the people who have the least contact with us, my some what estranged aunt, my grandmother, Carmen, friends that I have only had for a few years/months/days, were all lending support to my family, praying for us, asking how they could help. But those that have been "friends" and I use the term loosely, people that are supposed to be very important to us, people who we had chosen to be Godparents to our children, guardians...well nothing. No support, no contact. I know that part of that is my fault. I can be a cold, stand offish person at times and can be guarded, but honestly is it worth all this extra effort to make people happy?? With all the things that have happened in my life over the past lets say year. I think honestly only about 5 people actually know the truth. And those 5 are the ones that should know the truth. The others may know part, and then....maybe not. I know most of the people who read my blog and I know that this "rant" will probably cause "issues", but really, I am 28 years old and tired of playing the "game". I need to clean the closet of my life and simplify things and I believe that this may be the beginning of that cleaning process. Carmen asked if anyone could use an elf:) I could I wish I had someone with me to have the guts to say to people what only passes on paper or through my head. I am one of those who believes that you should tell those things to someones face. Not that I should be giving advice or anything. I am choosing a new career path, a new life path and a new future and I think that this is only the first step in getting there. Now if I can only grow the balls to do it.....Is anyone out there???It's me Meghan.....

Procrastination is My Name

I know I have a list of excuses as tall as Nathaniel but I really am feeling bad for neglecting my house of late. I wandered around it today and noticed for the first time the dust bunnies that have taken up residence under the chair in the dining room. Now we never sit in that room I usually use it as a catch all for my laundry, it lives to hold my baskets and help me to remember to fold it occasionally once it gets to full to hold any more baskets:) And it also holds all that extra "stuff" that doesn't have a home in the house while it waits to move to another home or the second hand store, or be returned to Caughleigh's or my mother-in-laws. But today I really felt bad when I looked at Leigha and noticed that her knees were all dirty from being on the floor:( Not that I have any time to clean mind you but that is the principle of that matter, I need to invent another 5 hours in the day to have time to do it...oh to have more time....and not be so exhausted and have the energy to do it. I could be cleaning now..instead I am blogging:P So I sit and ignore the bunnies:P and hope that they will magically hop away by the time I get home on Tuesday from the hospital. Tomorrow is Leigha's cleft surgery so I am mentally prepared as much as I can be. Not that you can prepare yourself for your child to go for surgery but at least this time I am more at ease with the whole idea of the surgery and the end result. Alot of unanswered questions still remain...Will she have a feeding tube when she comes out of surgery?? And if so for how long?? What if it doesn't work then what do we do?? Will she have to remain on the thickened fluids for longer than 6 weeks?? and I'm sure if I sit here long enough more will come to me. And I think Neil has some as well. I almost wish he was coming with me, it would be alot easier with him there with me. He has to work, one of us does, the bills must get paid somehow. And I kinda like living in my house:P So here I am trying to wind down after a long weekend of shopping with the girls:) SOO much fun and way to short of time spent:) and movie time with Neil...we went to see the new James Bond film Quantum of Solace, very cool and worth seeing on the big screen. abd now we are looking another week in the face and blink and it will be over:( sigh where does it all go. I am going to bed now. Tomorrow will be a stressful day and I need all the energy I can muster. I'll keep you all posted on the outcome, keep her in your thoughts and close to your hearts.

A Thing to Ponder

I meant to put a picture of my pots up tonight for Carmen to see...haven't got there yet. I just lack the ambition to trudge up the stairs, hunt for the camera and then drag all the pots out of the cupboard form hell and then snap the picture and put then all away again. That and the cupboard they are in is so packed with pots that I am not sure i could get them all back in again anyway....sigh some day I will get a whole new kitchen and then I can have any pot I want any way I want....where was I??? Hold that thought, I had a moment of guilt and took the photos for Carmen:) Okay so First we have my spaghetti pot with the removable strainer and sauce thingy, the sauce sits in the small thingy (it has a lid too) and you put it into the water while you cook the pasta to heat it up. It is more for ready made pasta sauces. Haven't tried it yet but it seems like a neat idea as it wouldn't burn the sauce.

Then I have the multi-purpose stock pot, large enough to cook a big vat of chili or soup. I have also used it for pirogi when I have made them for supper. My goal this month is to make my own from scratch for Christmas:0 Using my Baba's recipe which is a bit different from the one Neil's Baba uses. Should be a barrel of laughs, Cindy if you see flames please rescue the kids and Abby:)

Then we have the dreaded cupboard with the fourteen other random pots including my fourteen cup stock pot- it has all the lids for my other pots including the bid dutch ovens that come with the standard pots sets from the stores so I left it where it was in the bottom. I come from a family where you can never have enough pots and looking at my small collection I think I can probably add another one or two different sized ones to the list. I actually need a larger sized double boiler as mine sucks. And I would love a new dutch oven that isn't Teflon coated as Neil loves to use metal to stir things and that just flakes the Teflon:( I love the fact that he cooks so instead of deterring him I will change all pots to 10/18 stainless steel so he can stir away with any utensil he wishes:)

I know it seems absurd to have this many pots on hand, but then have you checked out the crock pot lady?? http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ she has almost a different crock pot for everyday of the week:0 So honestly I am not insane...or so my therapist tells me:)

For daily life today, with Neil home for Remembrance Day we had a relatively quiet one. The boys slept over at "grandmas" so we were able to sleep in until 9am, a blessing not seen on most mornings. I loved it and Smidget slept until 9 as well, something I think would happen more often if Ryan would sleep in more regularly, perhaps once his adenoids and tonsils are out he will. I can only hope anyway.

We watched the ceremonies on CBC from Ottawa this year at home and I was sad to see the Tomb of the un-named soldier unlit by sunlight this year. It was one of those days where on the 90th anniversary of the Armistice that it would have been nice for the sun to hit the tombstone at 11am. I thought it would have made a beautiful tribute all the more touching. It was a very nice ceremony and Neil and I have decided that next year we will start taking the kids to the ceremonies here in town. We tried when Nathaniel was about 18mo old to take him to one service but he was a bit too young at the time. We are hoping that by next year the boys will be old enough to understand how important it is to be respectful at the services and to teach them the importance of Remembrance Day and why we have such a ceremony.

Maybe it is having two boys of my own or seeing the astronomical casualty numbers that flashed across the television screen today but I can only imagine what the mothers of all those young men went through and are going through as their sons went off to fight for the freedoms that we have today. We are truly a very blessed nation and I am proud to be able to call it home.

Did you know that they were flashing the names of all 68000 Canadian casualties of World War 1 onto the Parliament buildings across Canada ?? I heard that today and thought what a wonderful tribute, but it's too bad there wasn't more coverage on it so that we could have seen it for ourselves. Every soldier that was ever killed fighting during World War 1 had their named flashed for 8 seconds onto the Parliament buildings across Canada. The idea was thought up by a Canadian living in Great Britain. I have attached an article from the Ottawa Citizen regarding the Tribute:

Queen Honours Canada's War Dead: Royal couple takes part in unusual project to bring soldiers 'home' Peter O'Neil, with files from Mark Brennae, Canwest News ServicePublished: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 LONDON - The Queen helped launch a unique tribute yesterday to each of the 68,000 Canadians who didn't survive the horrors of the First World War. The Queen made clear she was impressed with the high-tech, seven-day Vigil 1914-18 initiative to project the names of Canada's war dead on landmarks here and in six Canadian cities, starting at dusk yesterday evening. In her speech at Canada House on Trafalgar Square, she called Canada's First World War heroics and sacrifices nation-defining and unforgettable: "And through the Internet -- technology undreamt of by those who served in the First World War -- the deep personal resonance of this imaginative transatlantic act of remembering will reach across time and space to be shared by many people in Canada, in Britain, and around the world, as we join together in looking to the future by reminding ourselves of how the past can inform the present," she told a select gathering of veterans, dignitaries, and British and Canadian schoolchildren. The names of the fallen were then flashed in succession using a powerful projector directed at Canada House's upper facade, just below a huge Canadian flag. The event was repeated several hours later in Fredericton, Halifax, Toronto, Ottawa, Regina and Edmonton. In Ottawa, about 250 people gathered at the National War Memorial. Only the sound of rush-hour traffic whizzing by could be heard over the quiet, as six wreaths were laid in front of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. The words "Lest We Forget, Nous Nous Souvenons" appeared in white lighting at the top of the memorial as the Last Post sounded. Thirty-seven children, members of an all-girls' school choir, placed candles at the foot of the memorial and the projected names of fallen First World War veterans began to appear on the memorial's grey concrete, eight at a time. "It was very moving," said Susan Smith of Ottawa. "I was really glad to be here. I wish there had been more people here, but I think on the 11th, I know there will be more people here." The vigil, an initiative of Canadian actor-director R.H. Thomson and lighting specialist Martin Conboy, will continue, starting each evening until the morning of Remembrance Day on Nov. 11. "The Canadian soldiers who died on the battlefields were buried -- by and large -- where they fell," Canada's High Commisioner to Britain, Jim Wright, said. "Tonight we will symbolically bring our soldiers home." Mr. Wright said the Queen and Prince Philip were struck by the concept and agreed to participate less than 24 hours after receiving the proposal about a month ago. He noted that the Queen has travelled to Canada 23 times since her coronation in 1953, far more than any other country. "I know she was genuinely moved by this idea. She knows us and she knows the sacrifices Canadians made." The Queen also met briefly yesterday with three Canadian soldiers who served in Afghan-istan. The Canadian vigil has two objectives -- to remember for the first time each of the fallen individually rather than collectively, and to symbolically repatriate the majority of dead soldiers, whose remains were either buried in Europe or never recovered. One of the members of the London audience was Robert Lindsay, 39, of Belfast, whose great-uncle -- also Robert Lindsay -- was killed while serving with Canadian forces during the 1917 Vimy Ridge battle that was seen by historians as a decisive moment in developing Canada's nationhood. "I have to say that the way Canada has kept these men's names alive and in the public eye is absolutely fantastic," Mr. Lindsay said.

Unfortunately there wasn't enough coverage in my opinion to let everyone know about it, unless you happen to watch the National news every night:( On that note I hope you remember in your thoughts and prayers those who are fighting to maintain our freedom, those who have lost a loved one for the fight to get us to where we can proudly say "I AM CANADIAN".

SHHHHH, I'm hiding...

I'm hiding downstairs, I know I should be upstairs monitoring the chaos that may erupt at any moment but right now I am enjoying the quiet. I was enjoying being locked away in the comfort of my bed until Ryan woke me up but alas that was not to be. Unfortunately my children are incapable of sleeping in at any point. Even if I keep them up late they inevitably wake up at 8am every morning. So annoying especially when I stayed up to watch a movie last night:( I did have the intention of going to bed early...intention I say. August Rush was on last night, Kerri Russel, Freddie Highmore and that really cute Irish Guy from Across the Universe that can sing...sigh he is so gorgeous...hold that thought a moment be right back...... Yep just as I thought it deteriorated into a mess...The boys were at it again. Oh well just another day at our house:) Leigha is in a rotten mood tho she is teething and I don't think the pneumonia is totally gone so she is extra cranky and very clingy. Not that I mind too much it's just that every time I pick her up she goes straight for my necklace or my shirt or my face with her fingers and claws at it:( Not nice. And if I put her down then she starts to cry immediately. It's going to be a very long day:( She is so determined to crawl so she is starting to turn onto her tummy then gets really mad when she gets stuck there and can't go anywhere and when she does figure out how to move she then gets mad when she hits the steps and gets stuck:( Sigh another break and another disaster averted...she is down for the count. I used some teething tablets on her and they seem to have done the trick for now. The boys are playing nice for the moment and Ryan actually used the potty:) One point for him:) So far so good on a scale of 1-10 I'd say we are at a 6 for a start. Usually by 11 we are doing at least a 4 so today is looking good so far. But now I've jinxed it so..... Now to think of supper, last night Neil came home and I had nothing out. I had spent most of the day up to my eyeballs trying to dig out the mess of a house I had. I am trying to organise the house for the winter so that when we start Reno's we don't have alot to move around in the snow as that is always a pain. Neil made an impromptu toco with minimal toppings so tonight I may have to get creative, but I am really getting sick of Buffalo which is what our deep freeze mainly consists of right now:( I may have to resort to going to the store:( I relish the thought with three kids in tow:0 Kraft.ca here I come. I'll keep you posted on what I come up with. That I have to make up my grocery list as tomorrow is pay day and we BADLY need groceries, finish the laundry that never ends, clean the house which hasn't seen a mop or cleaning since the day before Leigha's surgery:0 make supper, not kill the boys or sell them on Kijiji:0 and all the random bits that fall out of the ceiling in between. The life of a stay at home mom:)OOOh and I have to order Leigha's blinds, call the stump guy about the stump for next spring, call the bank, confirm Leigha's allergy appointment, it goes on and on and on........See it never ends does it, is it just me or does everyone have those days???